JOHN VC

Elizabeth, as a 3 year old, complained that her parents were “telling me
questions.” I can see what she means.

On our drive home this weekend, an inattentive moment found me going
full speed down a left turn lane in Yonkers. I jinked back into the
proper lane, but the narrow escape from certain death (one of dozens, it
seems, whenever I am driving and Enid is taking note) prompted a lengthy
discussion with Ben and Enid on one side and me and Alicia on the other,
as to how best to alert the driver if you see something. We all agreed
that terrified screams were OK for starters, but we disagreed on how to
impart follow up information. I claimed that “Which lane do you want to
be in?” required some time to think through, and was insufficient as the
basis for quick action. Enid said she was only trying to be nice.

Here are some other helpful inquiries (notice the word “you” as a
constant factor) and their action equivalents:

“Where are you going?” = This is the wrong direction.
“Why can’t you ask directions?” = We’re lost.
“Do you want to run somebody over? = There’s a man in the crosswalk.
“Do you want to get a ticket?” = You’re exceeding the speed limit.
“Do you want to get a ticket?” = Buckle up your seat belt.
“Do you want to get a ticket?” = You’re too close to the car ahead of us.
“Do you want to cause an accident?” = You’re too close to the car beside
you.
“Do you want to give me a heart attack?” = You’re going too fast.
“Why are you behind this person?” = You’re going too slow.

Note that a higher level of urgency is expressed by “Are you trying to”
instead of “Do you want to.”

We also disagreed on the best way to convince the driver that he should
try to avoid fatal accidents in future. One party took the view that
the driver could be motivated by self interest not to kill himself and
his loved ones, while the other party was firm in its conviction that
the driver plainly needed to be told, repeatedly, that his loved ones
did not, contrary to the driver’s opinion, wish to be destroyed. We
never did get to the bottom of that one.